It’s no secret: dating is a hot topic on campus.
Prior to attending BYU-Idaho, most students heard the phrase “BYU-I do.” Since being on campus, some students may have even heard #ringbeforespring.
Either way, we can all agree that the dating culture on BYU-I’s campus is different from anywhere else in the world.
Cole Ratcliffe, a home and family professor, shared R.A.M., the Relationship Attachment Model, with me.
R.A.M. is a counseling model that focus’ on the brain and emotional systems in our bodies and how we develop relationships. It’s usually displayed and measured on a graph, highlighting five interrelated systems of how people form relationships. These five categories are know, trust, rely, commit and physical touch. Ratcliffe said ‘know’ should be the most developed in relationships, especially in the beginning.
Ratcliffe referred to a talk given by President Dallin H. Oaks in 2005, in regards to dating, where Oaks said people should be careful, thoughtful and thorough in the dating process.
“In general that’s not what’s happening here,” Ratcliffe said. “In general how careful, thoughtful and thorough can you be in a few weeks?”
At BYU-I, a date is seen as almost a lifetime commitment; from this first date you’ve got to decide if you will marry the person or not. If you don’t decide on the first date, then you’ve got to know by the third date. According to the ‘third-date rule,’ you have to have a DTR, a determine the relationship, by that time.
That’s messed up, and I’m not the only one that thinks that way.
I’ve talked to many girls and guys on campus about their feelings toward dating. Long story short, they don’t like it and we will get more into those opinions next week.
Trevor Payne, a sophomore studying public health, expressed his frustration of the culture.
“Everyone keeps to themselves, everyone hides and if someone steps outside of the line,” Payne said, referring to asking someone out, “they’re seen as weird.”
Fun fact, this problem with dating is not just happening here. It is a generation-wide problem.
Professor Kerry Cronin, the associate director of the Lonergan Institute at Boston College, realized there was a problem with the dating culture of students and set out to make a difference, according to Aleteia News.
She and a group of students, made a documentary called “The Dating Project” that explores the difficulties of dating in this day in age and what a date really is. This aired on April 17, 2018.
Most of us on campus are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and are honestly trying our best to be our best. We have direction from prophets, seers and revelators, and have heard many words from them over the years in regards to dating and marriage.
This article is the start of a weekly column that will examine what a date is and how we view it on campus. There will be articles in the paper for the rest of this semester. Next week, we will be reviewing the difference between what a date means for a guy and a girl.
If you have any opinions or questions, write them into the editor at firstname.lastname@example.org.