Breaking and getting back together is taboo. People are afraid that if the relationship didn’t work the first time, it won’t work a second time.
This can be true, but it is not always the case.
I know of a few relationships that involved the cole dating, breaking , dating again and then getting married.
If it didn’t work the first time for these coles, why did it work a second time? I think one reason may be because of timing.
Coles at BYU-Idaho tend to jump into dating relationships quickly. A four-week dating relationship that leads to an engagement is probably part of the reason the school is called BYU-I Do.
I have fallen into this trap — dating quickly and showing physical affection too soon.
And then the physical affection escalated. Quickly.
This is like building a house on sand. The relationship I was in did not have a solid foundation. Even though we thought we were taking things slow, and we thought we had a friendship as a base, we didn’t.
So our house crumbled.
As our relationship came to an end, I wasn’t sure what the core reason was, but I knew I kept having doubts.
I didn’t realize that though the view from the house was beautiful, we were building on a sandy beach.
I broke it off.
I told my boyfriend that I kept having doubts and I thought it was best if we ended things.
For a cole weeks after we broke , I wasn’t sure why I had doubts while we were dating.
I did know that I didn’t think we had a deep connection.
The way we interacted felt surface level. Our relationship felt fake.
After we broke we still talked. We still interacted with each other.
Once we had no expectations for each other, once we no longer were cuddling and kissing and holding hands, our relationship grew.
We became friends.
Then it became clear. I looked at the house we tried to build that was now in ruins. I saw we tried to build it on sand.
I thought about maybe dating this boy again. Now that we had a friendship to build on, maybe a relationship would work out.
I talked to him about getting back together and he thought we should do it.
Timing. It was now right.
We connect deeper now. We see each other in different lights. I am discovering new sides to him that I thought didn’t exist.
We are both taking off our plastic masks and showing our true selves.
And his true self is amazing.