Home Opinion What I wouldn’t give to become a marmot

What I wouldn’t give to become a marmot

I have this theory that the global warming people are also the Britney Spears people.

To them, ridiculous scare-tactic stories and cheap entertainment are like the feel-good drug, “soma,” from the book, Brave New World. As long as they have their fix, they can go on gossiping, speculating and living like drones in a world that is all but reality.

These, of course, are the people who are informed on very few things but have an unwavering opinion on just about everything.

They come home from work or school, turn on CNN for five minutes, watch live footage of Britney being taken to the hospital by an entourage of 300 police cars, helicopters, motorcycles, tanks, and F-16s and they let it sink in as “news,” and then they flip the channel to American Idol.

Or they watch 10 minutes of a speech by Al Gore, in which he tells a crowd of hippies that it won’t be too long before they’re to their necks in water from the melting ice caps and that if they will start to pay $100 a year to the United Nations for their carbon emissions, all problems will be solved.

Fear and ignorance become a blanket of unity to those who sport, advocate, and buy into this.

It is a fear that stems from the global warming theory, which has been repeatedly shot down and reemployed in cycles throughout history.

First, we had the “climate optimum” era, a warming period which took place from 9,000 years ago to about 5,000 years ago, followed by a 2,600-year cooling period.

Next came the Roman warming period from 200 B.C. to about 600 A.D., follwed by another period of cooling.

Still another “global warming” phase took place in the medieval era from 900 A.D. to 1300 A.D., followed by the Little Ice Age from 1300 A.D. to 1850 A.D., in which many people died because they couldn’t find soil temperate enough to sport crops.

The mentality we should have right now, if global warming is indeed taking its turn in the warming-cooling cycle (which I found hard to believe this morning when I scraped 5 inches of ice off my windshield), is to enjoy the warmth while it lasts.

Worse than the “global- warming fearing drones”(at least global warming is an interesting waste of time) are the Britany Spears-ignorance drones, who indulge in non-stop-stop Britney coverage, which diverts our minds away from everything that really is important in this world.

We have become the society of the 30-second attention span, and if something isn’t stimulating, pleasurable, or if it doesn’t give us an adrenaline rush or a soma fix, then we will ignore it and move on to something else that does.

We have several businesses, people and corporations to thank for this, not the least of which are Hollywood and most of the mainstream media.

Televised news, in an effort to keep their viewership high and not fall to the Internet, will now show anything for increased ratings.

Hollywood, in addition to producing and encouraging the Britney Spearses of society, crafts the minds of unaware Americans by making theatrical trash such as Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow and other two-bit disaster movies that cause us to contemplate, and eventually expect, a real disaster.

Personally, I wish that drunken crew of astronauts from Armageddon would put their drilling rig in my backyard and dig me an underground tunnel system, so I could escape the regression of society and live with the marmots, who may soon compete with many humans in intellect.

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